Saturday, March 31, 2012

A snipers life for me ...



Let me start by telling you a few things that I'm not.  I'm not a "camper", a "crazed gunman" or ever worked for the Post Office.

I am a sniper.  A surgeon for the Imperial Army removing it's enemies, one clean shot at a time.  I'm not standing on the front line firing my lasgun wildly hoping it does some actual damage.

I'm patient, I take my time, I only need one bullet for each kill.  Truth is half the time you won't see me.  I'm the angel of death that delivers doom, and you didn't even know was there.

It's a good life.  Oh course I'd lay down my life for the Emperor - but if I can, I'd rather hang onto it, if it's all the same.  We can kill from such a distance, we tend to be able to hang back from the main action.  We're not desperately firing at a charging squad of Ork Boyz hoping to down them before they make mincemeat of us, we don't tend to have Commissars looming over us trying to make an example of us.  Heck we don't even tend to run much - we just get all comfy and wait for the bozos to come to us.

Orks have got to be the funniest to sniper.  Their eyesight isn't much good, and you can finish half the squad before they realise what's going on.  Thick bastards.  Even then their aim is so dreadful you're not really in much danger.  You don't want to let them get too close though, they are something fierce, even their smell would be enough to down most men.

Probably Tau are next.  Being blue in colour, it couldn't be easier to spot them and get a headshot.  They get really upset when you nail one of the losers who carries the ornamental staff as well.  Unfortunately it really pisses them off, and they're somewhat better shots than Orks.  Still, it cracks me and the boys up something rotten ...

Sniping into the Eldar can be pretty funny too.  Those tossers are all aloof and into their art and history.  One minute they're a gang of aliens reading poetry, and then BAM, next minute you've read them their funeral rights.  They might be thousands of years old, but they die just as easy as us when they're in your sights.

One thing that annoys me though - everyone keeps thinking that to make it as a sniper in the Imperial Guard you have to be a munchkin.  Yeah we have a Ratling Squad, and they're good shots, but they're also a major pain in the ass.  They're always breaking into the food stores, and getting drunk (only the Emperor knows where they get it from), it's like taking a pack of locusts on tour with you.  And I swear the Commissars go easy on them as well, probably cos of their size.  And also cos they carry a grudge.

I remember Commissar Durnford had one of them shot for looting a few months ago.  Next battle he ended up having a "little accident" from stray sniper fire.  Yeah and those little bastards are good shots ... they don't tend to miss at all.

Yeah snipers eh - you want us in your army.  But believe me, you do not want to piss us off ...

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